Do I Hate Being Autistic… Or Am I Just Tired?

 “I hate being autistic.”

That’s something I’ve heard more than once—and if I’m being honest, it’s something I’ve felt before too.

Not because I hate who I am.
But because sometimes… being autistic feels exhausting.

It’s the moments when your mind won’t slow down, when the world feels too loud, too bright, too overwhelming. It’s trying to explain yourself over and over again just to still be misunderstood. It’s people saying things like “you don’t look autistic” or treating you like you’re either too much or not enough at the same time.

So when someone says they hate being autistic, I don’t take it as self-hate right away.

I hear frustration.
I hear burnout.
I hear someone who’s tired of having to fight just to exist comfortably in a world that wasn’t built with them in mind.

Because the truth is—most people don’t hate being autistic.

They hate how hard it can be to live with it in a society that doesn’t always try to understand it.

There’s a difference.

And it’s a difference we don’t talk about enough.

I was diagnosed with autism at three years old. I was nonverbal in the beginning—no voice, no way to express what was going on in my mind. And now, I’m writing this. Speaking. Advocating. Telling my story.

That didn’t happen overnight.

There were moments growing up where I felt different. Moments where I didn’t understand why certain things were harder for me, or why I had to work twice as hard just to feel “normal.” There were times I felt overwhelmed, misunderstood, and honestly… alone.

And being a Black man on the spectrum adds another layer to that.

There’s this unspoken pressure to be strong, to not show struggle, to “just deal with it.” But autism doesn’t disappear just because people expect you to hide it better. If anything, that pressure can make you feel even more isolated.

So yeah—there are days where it doesn’t feel empowering. There are days where it just feels heavy.

And that needs to be said.

Because somewhere along the way, people started pushing this idea that you have to love being autistic all the time. That you have to always see it as a “gift” and never acknowledge the hard parts.

But real life doesn’t work like that.

Some days, I love how my mind works.
Some days, I appreciate the way I see the world differently.
And some days… I’m just tired.

Tired of masking.
Tired of overthinking every interaction.
Tired of feeling like I have to explain myself just to be understood.

And if you’ve ever felt that way, I want you to know something:

You’re not wrong for feeling it.

But those feelings don’t define you.

Because even in the middle of that frustration, there’s still growth. There’s still strength. There’s still a story being written.

I went from being nonverbal to finding my voice. From feeling misunderstood to creating a platform where people like me can finally feel seen.

That doesn’t mean everything is perfect now.

It just means I didn’t stop at the hard parts.

So if you’ve ever said “I hate being autistic,” maybe take a step back and ask yourself:

Do you hate being autistic…
or do you hate how the world has treated you because of it?

Because those are two very different things.

And once you start understanding that difference, you might start seeing yourself a little differently too.

Not as someone who’s broken.

But as someone who’s been navigating a world that hasn’t always made space for them—and is still here, still pushing, still growing anyway.

And that?

That’s something to be proud of.

- Daniel Gillespie