Dating While Autistic: Finding My Way

 Dating While Autistic: Finding My Way

  A blog by Daniel Gillespie 

Dating is hard for anybody. For me, being autistic just adds a few extra layers—layers of overthinking, layers of anxiety, and layers of trying to figure out what people really mean when they say something. But along the way, I’ve learned that love, connection, and patience can make the whole process worth it.


The Early Struggles

When I first started thinking about dating, I didn’t know where to begin. Social cues were like a foreign language, and sometimes I’d wonder if I was saying or doing the wrong thing without even realizing it.
I’ve had moments where I misread interest or didn’t pick up on hints. And honestly? That hurt. It made me think maybe dating just wasn’t for me.

But deep down, I wanted connection. I wanted someone who understood me, someone I could be my full self with—stims, quirks, and all.


My First Real Date

I’ll never ever forget my first real date. We went to Valerio’s, grabbed some food, and then headed to the theater to see The Last Dance. I remember sitting there, nervous but excited, trying not to overthink every little thing—what I said, how much eye contact I was making, if I was “doing it right.”

But once I relaxed, I realized something: I was just having fun. For the first time, dating didn’t feel like a performance. It felt like me just being me, and that was enough.

That night taught me that the best connections happen when you stop trying to force perfection and just enjoy the moment.


Finding My Groove

One thing that helped me was online dating. Messaging first gave me the space to process and think about what I wanted to say. I didn’t feel the pressure to respond right away or to act like someone I wasn’t.
 I also learned to be honest early on. Telling someone, “Hey, I’m autistic,” felt scary at first, but it became freeing. The right people didn’t see it as a negative—they saw it as part of who I am.


Lessons Along the Way

Dating while autistic has taught me a lot:

  • It’s okay to move slowly.

  • The right person won’t make you feel “too much” for being yourself.

  • Boundaries are healthy, and saying “no” is a way of respecting yourself.

  • Love feels better when you don’t have to mask.

I’ve also learned that not every connection is meant to last—and that’s okay. Every experience has taught me something about myself, about patience, and about the kind of love I deserve.


Faith and Timing

Through it all, my faith has kept me grounded. Philippians 4:13 reminds me, “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” That includes waiting for the right person, trusting that God knows my heart, and believing that love will find me in His timing. And that’s why this verse will always hold a special place in my heart for me. 


Closing Thoughts

Dating while autistic isn’t easy—but it’s real, and it’s worth it. I’m still figuring it out, but what I know for sure is this: I deserve a love where I don’t have to pretend to be anyone else. And so do you. Here at the Brown Side of Autism, we share stories that people can relate to and experiences that help others feel seen.


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